So my mission president sent me a quote this week that reads.
Ultimate hope and daily grumpiness are not reconcilable. It is ungraceful, unjustified, and unbecoming of us as committed Church members to be constantly grumpy or of woeful countenance. Do we have some moments of misery or some down days? Yes! But the promise is that Christ will "lift thee up" (Moro. 9:25.) The disciple can note the depressing signs of the times without being depressed. He can be disappointed in people without being offended at life. Thus it is that ultimate hope, if it does not finally dissolve our daily disappointments, at least puts them in perspective. (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Local Thanksgiving speech [untitled], November 26, 1980.)
This quote got me thinking about what I am about to write. I am going to be honest I try only to write the uplifting story's, stuff that is either informative about my life here in Germany or makes you feel good after you read it, this week I am going to try also expanding that in to some of the darker moments in a mission.
It has been an extremely wonderful, miraculous week up here in Longenhorn however there is a certain aspect of the work of pulling men out of the world that you cant escape as a missionary; and that is that of seeing the filthiness and degeneration of the world around us which is over whelming at times.
Last week on the way home from Hamburg we were put in contact with this women called Rose (name changed) who is 28 years old. It was one of the few times in my mission where I felt the spirit completely take over me and before I realized what was going on I was talking to her. She had abuse scares all over her body, was wearing filthy old cloths, and when you looked into her eyes she looked as if she had died many years ago. As I talked with her, she recounted one of the most gruesome, horrifying, demented life story's I have ever heard. At points I was sick to my stomach because of the experiences she had to live through. I was brought to tears because of the brutality's and the evilness of the people she has had to fight to stay alive. As we continued to talk I asked her if she believed in a God, and for me her response was expected. ''Ya....but he has forgotten about me'' For hake sake she BELIEVES in God! This women who had been living in Hell for the last 28 years believes in God. By her response she also indicated that she believes we can have a personal relation sip with Him. I was speechless, she believes in our Father in heaven... but because of the incredibly unfair, abusive, and at times down right sickening life she has had to endure she no longer believes God her Father loves her. You guys, as I got to act as Gods hands that day, and help her get some food to eat, bought her her first flower, and talked with her about our relationship with God I was humbled. As I was able to explain to her that her ,Daddy, in heaven' loves her so much that he sent us (My Companion and I) to let her know that he had not forgotten her, my testimony of our fathers love was solidified. As I was able to sit with her and comfort her, a love passed through me to her that I can only explain as the pure love of God. I felt like a was a conduit in some way for Heavenly Father to show His love to Rose.
I KNOW that God lives, I know that he knows us individually, and that His love for us is never ending. Meeting Rose had been a hug testimony builder to me that God stands by us and that he never forgets about us. As I said at times it is extremely over whelming to see the crap, and to love those you are serving so much that you seem to take upon yourself some of the pain they are experiencing, but 'The Son of Man hath descended below them all'' ... and I know I am not greater than he.
My challenge this week, is that of opening your eyes to the pain around you, and then helping in whatever way you can.
I am humbled by the out pouring of love and support that I receive every day by all of you back home. I love you all so much and hope you are doing well.
-Sis Kim Bohne
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